My TTC journey | It Is Just A Waiting Game
Addicting taking early pregnancy tests is only the start of one way to describe my TTC journey.
Every single month longing for the second line to appear & squinting so much your eyes start to even see it, this is me every month and I know I’m not alone. So here’s my story in TTC. My name is Carly & I’m 25 years old. I started TTC in September 2020. I have a little boy who's 5 years old and have been married just coming up 3 years. TTC baby number 2 has been a lot more difficult than we expected.
I fell pregnant so easily with my son so it’ll be the same again right? I couldn’t have been more wrong! I always get people telling me you are so lucky to have your son, don’t give up it’ll happen you’re still young. Yeah I already know that but can’t I wish for my son to have a sibling?
The questions like when are you having another? Or aw he’d be an amazing big brother you should give him a sibling. Sometimes things are better left unsaid but not everyone will understand until their in our shoes and experiencing the struggles behind infertility.
When I started TTC I hadn’t experienced ovulation tests and didn’t even know they existed. I found this page and soon realized you could get gifted free ovulation and pregnancy tests! This was amazing as I started spending a fortune buying early pregnancy tests as I just couldn’t hold off till my period was due!
Unfortunately, In January 2021 I had a miscarriage
I had a miscarriage due to the fertilized egg being stuck in my tube and making it to my womb too late. This started around the time my period was due with some light brown spotting which I hoped was just implantation bleeding. I was seen at the hospital by the early pregnancy unit and my HCG was doubling if not sometimes tripling every 48 hours.
This filled me with confidence that my baby was truly ok, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I had a scan at the 5-week mark and unfortunately they saw a shadow beside my right ovary. My HCG started to drop and I started to bleed but after several days It started rising again!
I was told I was having an ectopic and just couldn’t believe it
I was scanned again and had produced a sac in my womb, finally something to give me a little bit of hope to hang onto! Unfortunately,nothing came of this sac and my body sadly absorbed it. This was soul destroying and unfortunately I’ve still not conceived my beautiful rainbow but I know they’ll come someday.
Since then I’ve tried months when I haven’t used ovulation tests and months when I have! This was mainly due to me only ever wanting to try during the time I was ovulating but after speaking to health professionals I was advised you are best to just try throughout your whole cycle! I have tried switching my brain off and not overthinking the situation but it just doesn’t happen!
It’s just a waiting game
Recently we were seen at a fertility clinic where I got some tests and so did my husband. Both of us are in perfect working order & i am ovulating so it’s just a waiting game really. Unfortunately due to us already having my son we won’t get any help on the NHS as we don’t fall into the category to be able to get IVF so we’d have to pay privately which is really just out of the question.
Every month I am forever ordering a range of pregnancy tests, from early results to normal tests sometimes even digitals! I can’t tell you exactly how much I’ve spent but I know it would make me physically sick if I sat back and calculated it up but it’s a true addiction one I just can’t stop!
From about 8DPO sometimes even sooner I will test morning, noon and evening it’s really crazy but I know I'm not alone and this gives me some kind of comfort! Forever testing and having serious line eyes and sometimes even getting false positives on some tests it’s just so upsetting!
We all deserve it and they will come to us I know it!
I don’t know why I find it so highly addictive even when I get a negative result I just can’t wait to test with another brand or a stronger less diluted urine sample in case this gives me my positive! I truly hope that one day we are all blessed with the babies we long for.
Early pregnancy tests are so easily done and I know that the majority of ladies agree when I say it’s hard not to! Then once again another cycle starts as our damn period arrives, the way to think of it is this is a fresh new cycle, maybe this is the one when we are blessed!
